I knew it was gonna happen...

So, I have heard that everyone has the days during orientation where they feel like they are gonna loose it and start crying. I was two deep breaths away from it last night at 7:30. I didn't have hard patients, only one of the 2 was super busy. I still wasn't ready at 7:00 to report off. Days have been busy or shall I say I have been behind before, but I have always at least had report ready to give to the nurse. When I was reporting off to the nurse of my second patient last night I almost started crying. The fact that I couldn't even tell her the basic vital info for the day just upset me. So I just took a few deep breaths and thanked God that I standing in the presence of 2 very supportive co-workers and pushed through it.

I worked with a different preceptor this week. She's great and I have no problems with her but since I have gotten used to my usual one, and every nurse does things different I felt a little (lot) lost. There were times in my day yesterday where I was thinking I needed to sit down and regroup and she was saying I needed to kick it up and get going. I knew I was in trouble at that point. For those of you in nursing school, it was like starting clinical with a new instructor. I realize that the assignment I had wasn't hard, even though one patient had about 25 iv meds, a total line change (the picture of the iv pumps I posted earlier, all the lines that run through there), some electrolytes, lab draws and a cell boost. The other patient was easy really. I should have been able to handle it and leave before 9pm but it didn't happen. I have to get more efficient and organized. Most people who know me well would agree on the organized thing, I hear an amen from my family and boyfriend!

Then we found out one of our patients was going to get a cell boost. A cell boost is when they take a very small amount (less than a CC) of the original cord blood transplant that is saved and give it to the patient. Hopes are that this will boost the cells and encourage full engraftment. This particular patient is partially engrafted.

This is an example of what a cell boost looks like:

It still amazes me that such a small thing can make such a huge difference. The cell boost is no different as far as giving than given blood to a patient but I had never been part of a transplant except as a nursing assistant watching. I hope I remember what I need to. At least I am comfortable asking lots of questions!

I hate that I felt this overwhelmed. I was feeling good at the end of last week, even though we still got out late I didn't feel out of control of the situation. That all went to pot after the past 2 days. I just need to re-think through the days, reassess what I do and be ready for the up coming run. I work the next sat., sun., mon. day shift then wed. and thur. night. Whoa!